So, it’s this baby next door to my apartment. I’ve only seen the child once, but have been disgusted by his presence since the first day of my arrival. It’s not that I don’t like children–that’s very far from the truth. I don’t like certain children, specifically those who are determined to wake me up in the middle of the night with their constant wailing. Despite my disdain, he and I have developed an intimate relationship. Over-hearing his tantrums has given me the ability to determine his never-ending wants and needs by the intonation, volume, and length of his crying. In my sleep-deprived delirium, I almost banged on his parents’ door twice. Once to beat his ass, and the other to rock him to sleep. I first laid eyes on this little terror a few days ago, and although fully capable of walking, he was being held by his adolescent nanny.
The omnipresence of servants is a British custom, bequeathed from Nigeria’s colonial days. It’s not only foreign, but makes me incredibly uncomfortable. I’m constantly committing some ridiculous blunder like sitting in the front seat beside the driver or going into the kitchen to make my own tea. People simply shake their heads in dismay at my complete lack of grace when being waited on hand and foot. Since I’ve been in Nigeria, I’ve successfully fetched my own water, washed and ironed my own clothes, walked to work in the rain, cooked my own food, brushed my own teeth, and wiped my own behind. Many Nigerians cannot say the same (well, I’m exaggerating about brushing their teeth and wiping their behinds–I hope). To my astonishment, the presence of servants means someone is always waiting to complete menial tasks on your behalf! For example, my well-intentioned and poorly funded NGO has two custodians/maids, three nannies, and a driver. Their responsibilities are complex as they have the joy of engaging in their primary duties, as well as being at the staff’s beck and call. Most importantly, these middle-aged men and women arrive at least one full hour before everyone else. It appears that anticipating the whims of twenty-five able-bodied adults is time consuming.
I’m staging a protest against this colonial residue. Although alone in my activism, I’m afraid that accepting this type of cultural privilege will render me helpless. In principle, I’m also opposed to demanding my elders to do things for me that I’m capable of doing for myself. It’s both disrespectful and elitist. Almost every matriarch in my family served as a maid, cook, and caretaker. Their perseverance elevated my generation out of the oppressor’s homes, and into colleges, careers, and unlimited opportunities. Looking into the eyes of the Nigerian “help”, I don’t see the underclass of this society, but my grandmothers’ toil and my great-aunts’ tribulations.
As I was writing this post, my co-worker walked in with her baby and nanny. A child herself, she looks helpless, but stares at the baby with adoration in her eyes. I wonder if she sees a life she will never live, dreams she will never fulfill. I wonder if she is my grandmother 50 years ago. I timidly smile at her, praying for her release from servitude.
Amen! Amen! Wow…I’m amazed at the thought of people so poor, in all aspects, having NANNIES and SERVANTS! Wow! I’m litterally sitting here with my mouth hanging opened and my mind racing thinking about this happening in 2008. Oh how much we are learning this summer.
Yeah, you won’t be able to get use to that life style, as I raised you to be an INDEPENDENT strong minded WOMAN! “Fetching” your own tea and having the freedom to do so means a lot. It means a lot.
Good morning Shira!
As I sit here at my computer I somehow wondered how it would feel to have someone wait on you hand and foot…It reminds me of “Coming to America” and to me that was just too much of the too much. However, I am often reminded that although it sounds nice someone would have to do tasks that I am completely capable of doing myself! I am glad to know that you are “fetching” your own tea and food because as grandma MaeBird says “I just don’t trust too many people”! Now about the baby thing, you and I both know you are not a baby person…you like peace and quiet and you also don’t function well with a lack of sleep! I think there is a lesson in here even with the crying baby———Let the babies stay where they are at because you will have a time later in life to do all of that! I bet now babysitting for you dear ole’ aunt doesn’t sound so bad. Ha Ha
Much Love
Auntie
Their poor in relation to American standards, but well off in relation to their own. From my limited understanding, servants are a class above hawkers but just as uneducated. The economy is too poor to absorb either into other sectors. This means even the middle class have at least one servant. The wealthier you are, the more you have.
*comes in and adjusts girdle, prepares to lecture*
Class the word of the day is: Fetching!
WAIT…HOLD THE PHONE…Im concerned. Exactly what is the pay for such a position? This is really quite sad. Im quite uncomfortable with the IDEA of having an elder “fetching” anything for me let alone being pulled around like a puppy. I agree that all ppl need to make some type of living, but when is the pay too low for the duties. When did a nanny become commonplace? I would think a parent would take great pride raising and caring for their children. The fact that they look down upon you for sitting next to the driver or “fetching” your own tea paints a picture of “not quite slave” servants of the post-emancipation era. My question of the day is as follows: How important is women’s rights when “almost slavery” is still going on?
It’s disturbingly contradictory.Yesterday, one of my colleagues left her office to find the maid who was hard at work cleaning the toilets. She gave her a tea order like she was in line for Starbucks. I was floored that a group of feminists could behave this way. They lack the political education and cultural consciousness necessary to understand the positive correlation between sexism and classism. These societal ills have to be fought simultaneously.
Hmmm…..it is their custom and tradition. While I don’t necessarily agree with it, mainly because I, too, was raised to be independent, I can understand it. It is oppressive to Black Americans because we’re taught the opposite of what they do. We were enslaved and pictures of Mammy undoubtedly pop into our heads when we hear servants, but it is their culture. I remember hearing about female mutilation in some cultures and countries and how Americans felt that it was unjust and immoral. No one can do those things here in America, but in other parts of the world that is their belief and tradition.
We can ease out of our dis-ease by simply brushing this practice off as custom readily accepted by all. My question is this–if becoming a servant is a belief and tradition, can we assume that those servants happily serve and don’t dream of doing something else or at most working toward a better life for their children? For a long time, traditions in this country (some still practice) mandated Blacks to be treated like trash. Are we saying that back then Blacks were happy to shuck and jive while saying yessah massah? Yes…I do realize some of us did come down with stockholm syndrome but the great majority of us knew and felt the classist situation (based on race) was most unjust regardless of what miss, mister, and massah thought. It’s the same situation even though the classes are not divided by race. I can’t accept that any human being is brought into this world and is excited to meet societal limitations on his or her achievements and abilities. When Blacks in America were rich enough to own slaves they did. Blacks in Nigeria rich enough to own slaves I mean have servants still do. There is a strong sense of individualism where communalism used to be. Find me someone who takes pride in being treated like a second class citizen because it’s tradition and I’ll rethink my stance. Just like anywhere, economic futility forces one’s hand into doing what one has to do rather than doing what one want’s to do in order to support one’s family.
Above the blatant classism that damn near resembles a caste system in Nigeria, my contention is with feminists who perpetuate it. It’s incongruent to advocate for women’s equality AND employ a 14 year old servant. These girls are under paid, often abused, and disempowered.How can one advocate for an equal right to education between girls and boys, but facilitate a young woman’s inability to be educated? Traditions inherited from European colonial masters will inherently reaffirm class roles and never lead to true liberation. Regarding FGM, there are fundamental human values that exceed cultural relativism. Across Africa, women are victims to the worst manifestations of patriarchy imaginable. No woman deserves to have her clitoris removed and inner labia sewn together. Regardless the culture, its simply inhumane.Further, men don’t face this type of assault to their genatalia, FGM is meant to ensure a woman’s chastity and feed her husband’s ego. It establishes his dominance. Show me a woman who enjoys having her clitoris removed and I’ll change my position.
Though I would imagine extremely painful..due to the colosal amount of nerve endings in the clitoris. This form of female circumcision was to remove the “masculine” features of the female body. To my knowledge, some african tribes view the clitoris as a phalic or “penis like” structure and feel it has no place on a woman’s body…therefore it is removed! The other form of female genitalia being altered is to seal the vaginal opening only allowing a small opening for menstual flow. That procedure doen’t necessarily establish dominance for a man, it does ensure the “purity” until marriage. I really dont see a problem with it unless one is forced into the procedure. Many women take great pride in carrying on the customs of their ppl. With that being said…I agree with continuing on with a custom as long as that custom is not a convenient covering for abuse! Some dont like Western influence b/c it changes culture of many untouched societies. I too believe that America has this “heal all, save all, do it like the Americans attitude”. What gives us the right to rush in like a flood and rescue the world when we have our own problems. Like Mary Bryant always “Sweep around your own front door, before you try to sweep around mine” i.e.~ the polygamist groups forcing young girls to marry their cousins…they argue tradition…but anytime a 11 year old underdeveloped girl whose womb could be torn beyond repair is forced to marry a 50 year old COUSIN, a larger problem is at hand!
Nearly all women are forced into the procedure since it is done at a very young age. Without a clitoris, victims never have the opportunity to enjoy sex, and it’s often very painful due to the reduction in the vaginal opening. Not to mention the fact that women have died from the many complications it can lead to. In a male dominated society, any practice that is intrusive and both psychologically and physically damaging is meant to objectify and subjugate women. Again, there is no male version to ensure a man’s purity, so the fact that only females are subjected to this torture is the sole result of patriarchy. Shit, it takes two to tango! Its not just the west, African women are starting to oppose FGM. Several states in Nigeria have outlawed it. If it’s okay to engage in this barbaric practice, it’s okay for 11 year old Mormon girls to be forced to marry their 50 year old cousins. The Igbo should still be throwing helpless twin babies into the “Evil Forest”. Using your logic, these are all mere traditions that we Westerners aren’t allowed to judge.
“as long as the custom is NOT a convenient cover for abuse”!!!!!!!
Tashira:
I must say, you are sharing some real “eye openers” for me. It’s unbelievable that people are still “enslaved” in 2008. Stay true to yourself and your mother’s teachings. Life has great things in store for you! I continue to enjoy your colorful writing style.
Your Former FAMU COL Classmate,
Ethylene Crenshaw
Ahhhhh….so here we go! Our experiences in America are not those of the entire world. To equate servitude in cultures where it is welcomed and accepted (by all involved) to the slave system in America is quite egregious and misleading. Servitude exists everywhere: “Welcome to McDonald’s, may I take your order?” How many times do we cop a ‘tude with the person behind the counter because they got our order wrong or weren’t so welcoming? My example is a stretch but think about it. I agree, it’s oxymoronic for feminists to bark commands at the hired help, but I would think the attitudes of the help and the hirerer (yep, I made that word up) contribute to their interaction. My point is – as Americans, we typically get on our holier than thou pedestal and feel that everyone should have the same world view as we do, and that’s just not the case. Our condescending attitude regarding things that are culturally different for us is HILARIOUS to me.
^^^^^I concur Nikki!
It’s not even that serious, I won’t bother to respond. I thought Tashira was just keeping a diary, not an invitation for controversy.
It’s not controversy, just our first ideological struggle. I welcome it, especially since I created this blog just for that purpose. If we remain principled in our commentary, and don’t take it as an invitation to make disparaging remarks, then I think it will facilitate our personal growth.
With that said, I’ve been culturally sensitive for a very long time, so my attitude is far from “holier than thou.” For example, it’s common for some African ethnic groups to shave a baby’s head after birth. This is done whether the child is a girl or a boy, and I’ve seen little girls as old as 5 with absolutely no hair. Although foreign, I don’t have a position about this practice, it’s cultural and beyond any objective criticism. My analysis of servitude is on a deeper level. I oppose any manifestation of western colonization/imperialism, white hegemony, and male-domination. Nigerian servitude cannot be summed up as a mere tradition–it is a practice that imitates the relationship we had with our colonial oppressors. I’m aware that certain African societies are traditionally hierarchal, but in 2008, in light of socio-economic factors, tradition is a convenient excuse for classism. The “help” at my NGO are the only members of the staff who lack western education credentials and have tribal scars on their faces, recurring symbols of the Nigerian underclass. This system, like America’s, has been designed to maintain the current power structure by keeping the “lowest” segment of the population oppressed and disenfranchised.
I must be fair and admit that assimilation is not the only purpose for large scale servitude. The poor economy, called developing by the west, is also to blame. Outside of foreign owned oil companies, foreign owned banks, and foreign owned cell phone providers, there are no large scale industries capable of absorbing servants into other economic sectors. However, a quick historical analysis will reveal neo-colonialism as the culprit behind Nigeria’s fledgling economy. So, once again, we’re back at white hegemony!
I didn’t intend to write a whole new blog, but it’s important that my position is clear. I am not turning my nose down at a culture that I don’t understand, but advocating for the liberation of oppressed people around the world.
Worldviews and paradigm shifts are irrelevant when basic human rights are blatantly disregarded. Perhaps the person with the “tude” in front of the counter should hop behind the counter to understand the extent to which servitude is welcomed and accepted (by all involved). no human being willingly accepts being denigrated absent of physical and/or psychological enslavement. example–some black women still believe they really have to wear their hair white girl straight to be beautiful. this example may seem like minutia but it is a consequence of enslavement although it may now be considered tradition by some.
oh shacarolyn…let me know when your HBO special airs b/c u are too damn funny. maybe we can get you in a tyler perry movie.
lol…..@ Dione! Hows that beautiful baby girl? Well stated comment #16…I do believe you will get a Nobel….when its all said and done!
Yes, girl. It’s so interesting to see things from your perspective. What it does is validates some of my own sentiments. I never get over the servant thing. People treat their house help differently some good, some terribly. I’ve witnessed both. It lots of cases this is the only way out of the village for poor people and for the young ones…their opportunity for an education. What’s horrible is when they are abused. I saw that once and that stays with me.